


He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth

by storiesthatmakeus



Series: Thinking of You [1]
Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Love, M/M, Memories, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 05:54:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11914593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesthatmakeus/pseuds/storiesthatmakeus
Summary: It's been four years since Aaron gave his ring back to Robert, and three years since Robert left the village without a backwards glance.But maybe the universe isn't finished with them just yet, and where better for their worlds to collide than at a wedding?





	He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth

**Author's Note:**

> I really don't know what this is, but I had the idea of Aaron knocking down Robert's hotel room door, and the story took off from there.
> 
> Not entirely happy with it, but hope it's not too shabby :)

‘’Shit.’’

Aaron was getting frustrated. Attempt number three at doing his tie and he was still failing miserably, his brain unable to coordinate his fingers enough to thread the material in a knot facing the right way. He was on the brink of throwing it to the other side of the room when he felt a pair of strong arms snake around him.

‘’Nerves is it? Anyone would think you’re the one getting married, the way you’re carrying on.’’

‘’Do I have to wear a tie?’’ Aaron huffed as he turned around to face the man whose arms were currently stroking his waist: Sam.

‘’Yes, it’s a wedding, of course you do. Besides, if we look anything less than picture perfect Ellie will strangle us both, probably with said ties.’’ Sam joked. ‘’Come here, let me do it.’’

Sam took the tie off Aaron, turning it the right way around before gently wrapping it around his neck and under his shirt collar. Aaron smiled at the way his fiancé worked so meticulously, but it faltered when a brief flash of Robert removing his tie suddenly materialised in front of him, causing him to shiver and Sam to look at him questioningly.

‘’It’s nothing.’’ Aaron shrugged off, which Sam accepted easily. That was one of the good things about Sam: he never pushed Aaron to explain his faraway glances. Unlike Robert, who would back Aaron into a corner until he would be forced to open up, usually resulting in an argument that would have both of them bleeding from wounds they inflicted on each other. Aaron shook off the comparison; it wasn’t fair to compare the man in front of him with a ghost.

It had been three years since he had last seen his ex-husband. Three years without a single word from him. Vic had been the one to tell him that Robert had moved to Leeds, to be with Rebecca and their son Jamie after she had fled following the events at Home Farm. Robert had dissolved his partnership in the scrap yard a few weeks prior to his departure, explaining that it was simply to make things easier between them. Aaron had wondered what had brought it on all of a sudden, but hadn’t really questioned it at the time. Yet, nearly a year after their separation, the end of the partnership had suddenly made everything seem so much more permanent and just as he realised how much he missed Robert in his life, how much he wanted him, Vic delivered the news to him.

_‘’He’s gone Aaron.’’_

_‘’Where?’’_

_'_ _’He wants to be with his son.’’_

 _'_ _’And her you mean?’’_

_‘’Aaron, it’s not like that.’’_

_‘’Whatever.’’_

_‘’I won’t tell him you were here Aaron.’’_

_‘’I don’t care either way.’’_

_‘’Yes you do. You want me to tell him you were looking for him because you can’t do it yourself. You want to fight for him without putting your heart on the line in case he doesn’t come back. I get that, but he fought for you enough over the past year and had it thrown back in his face repeatedly. He had to stop fighting eventually. You’re too late.’’_

Aaron had been thinking about Robert a lot recently, Vic’s words still etched in his brain. He hadn’t even wanted to go to this wedding, but Sam’s cousin would never forgive him if he didn’t make an appearance. The last wedding he attended had been his own, and flashes of it kept coming back to him lately, his memories of Robert that he thought had faded over the past three years now as prominent as ever. He wondered where his ex-husband was now. Was he happy? Did he ever think about Aaron at all or was he too caught up in his picture perfect family with the woman who gave him everything to give his ex-husband a second thought?

‘’Hey, you nearly ready to hit the road?’’ Sam’s words cut through him and he looked up, smiling softly at him.

‘’I’m ready.’’ Aaron replied. He closed the box in his head containing all memories of Robert Sugden and was on his way.

Robert was late. Traffic was at an utter standstill, and while normally he thrived on his ability to make an entrance, he wouldn’t do that to Ellie, not on her wedding day. He hadn’t wanted to come, be the token singleton surrounded by happily married or engaged couples, memories of his own short-lived marriage still prickling his skin four years on, but Ellie wouldn’t take no for an answer.

  _’Oh c’mon Rob, it’s my wedding day.’’_

_‘’I won’t know anyone.’’_

_‘’You’ll know me and Mark, and we’re all you need. Besides, I’ve got some pretty hot single friends, male and female, so you might just meet the love of your life there.’’_

_‘’Unlikely’’ Robert replied._

He knew the love of his life had already passed him by, but Ellie had given him such a Vic style look of hurt that he folded. He must be getting soft in his old age. That or fatherhood had made him much more susceptible to emotional blackmail. Either way, now here he was, parking haphazardly in the last remaining spot by the church, checking his reflection to make sure he didn’t look too flushed before making his way inside.

 

 

 

The ceremony was in full swing, but Aaron wasn’t paying attention. He was in a daydream, Sam sat beside him, his hand on Aaron’s thigh. As the priest began the usual wedding preamble, all Aaron could think about was the similar speech Harriet had made at his wedding, right before Faith legged it out of her wheelchair. The memory made him smile, but his attention was caught by the sound of the church door closing softly behind the congregation. Nobody else seemed to notice, but he turned in time to catch a glimpse of the latecomer, a flash of blond hair and maroon suit settling into a pew at the back. His heart began to race for just a moment, as memories of another man with blond hair and a fondness for maroon entered his head again, but he shook it off as Sam clasped his hand, smiling broadly at him.

As the ceremony drew to a close and Ellie and Mark began to walk down the aisle, Robert slipped out quietly before they could reach his seat. He needed a couple of minutes to himself before heading into the fray that would be their reception. The ceremony had hit him harder than he thought, memories of Aaron smiling at him flashing before him consistently throughout. As he had come into the church, he even thought he glimpsed him near the front, but shook off the image, telling himself that he was hallucinating. His own wedding was the last one Robert had gone to, and the next one he would be attending would be Rebecca’s, an arduous task that he was only undertaking for the sake of his son’s happiness. Vic was doing the catering, and she had accidently let it slip in front of Aaron, something she confessed to Robert over the phone one evening. She sounded hopeful, telling him that now Aaron knew the truth that he and Rebecca weren’t together, maybe he would call him, but as the weeks went by and his phone remained resolutely silent, Robert had to accept that Aaron just didn’t care.

He pulled out of his space and headed off to the hotel, tearing his eyes away from his rear view mirror a split second before Aaron emerged from the church. Aaron heard the car drive off, and he could see even from the distance the same maroon suit belonging to the driver. Images of Robert flooded his brain again, but Sam and Ellie pulling him into pictures soon distracted him once more.

 

 

 

‘’Here you go.’’ Sam handed him his pint. They were stood at the bar, the reception fully underway. ‘’You okay?’’

‘’Yea, I’m just a bit tired I guess. I’m good though, really.’’ Aaron reassured him.

Sam smiled brightly at him, but he rolled his eyes almost instantly afterwards, and Aaron quickly became aware of the reason why as Jessica, one of Ellie’s most unashamedly flirtatious bridesmaids swooped in from behind Aaron, gripping them both around the waist.

‘’Well well boys, aren’t we both looking fine today. What a loss to women worldwide you two are.’’

‘’Hasn’t stopped you trying your luck though has it?’’ Sam asked dryly.

‘’And I’ll keep trying until you boys make it official,’’ Jessica quipped, fluttering her eyelashes at Aaron playfully, but something in the distance caught her eye. ‘’Then again, maybe you’re off the hook. Who is that?’’ she asked, staring over Aaron’s shoulder. ‘’Wonder what team he plays for?’’ she joked as she ruffled her hair slightly.

Jessica sauntered past Aaron, her best seductive pose at work as she walked towards the object of her affections. Aaron watched her go, happy to be entertained by her efforts but as he gazed in her direction, he saw the man she had in her sights. Even though he had his back to Aaron, that blond hair and maroon suit were unmistakeable, and his heart stopped. He could hear the blood rushing through his veins, and the noises around him dulled instantly.

 

Robert.

 

Robert was checking his phone messages; absentmindedly sipping his pint as he smiled at a photo Rebecca had sent him of Jamie when he felt an arm drape itself over him. Lifting his head slightly, he smiled politely at the woman opposite him.

‘’Whoever she is, she made a mistake letting you out of her sight.’’ Jessica purred.

‘’Oh did she now?’’ Robert flirted back, his best company smile plastered across his face. He had no interest in this woman, but he’d see how long it would take her to get the message.

‘’Oh yea, and looking at a photo is no substitute for a living, breathing woman next to you.’’ Jessica whispered as she edged closer to Robert.

‘’Very true, but who said it was a woman’s picture I was smiling at?’’ He didn’t need to elaborate on whom the photo was of; he knew that would be enough to stop her in her tracks.

‘’Very interesting, I guess I’ll just have to add you to my list.’’

‘’Your list?’’

‘’Of gorgeous gay men that I can’t have but like to look at.’’

‘’Oh yea,’’ Robert smirked. ‘’And who else is on this list?’’

‘’The two dark and broodings over by the bar.’’ Jessica pointed and Robert followed her gaze, his mouth going dry and his eyes widening as he saw him.

 

Aaron.

 

Aaron, standing much too close to another man, one with his lecherous hands all over his waist. Aaron, looking just as stunned as he was. He looked good, incredible even, and Robert felt a barrage of emotions run through him as he held his gaze; jealousy, guilt, love, and suddenly he found it hard to breathe. He couldn’t be here.

‘’Excuse me.’’ Robert said, removing Jessica’s arm from where it was still draped across his shoulder, slamming his pint down on the side and exiting through the double doors without a backwards glance at his ex-husband.

 

 

Aaron had watched the entire exchange between Robert and Jessica as though he was watching a tennis match: Jessica doing her best femme fatale impression and Robert smirking back at her. Aaron knew that smile, had seen it in use hundreds of times. It was the one Robert used to feign interest in someone whose name he wouldn’t remember in five minutes. Aaron took comfort in seeing it now, but that didn’t override the stabbing jealousy he felt as he watched someone else all over his ex-husband.

Then it happened, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He saw Jessica’s eyes glance towards the bar, saw Robert’s head turn and instantly find his. Aaron felt something stir inside him as his eyes locked with Robert’s and he was suddenly very aware of his fiancé’s arm around his waist. He felt the urge to slip from Sam’s grip, but it was too late, Robert was already gone. Without knowing what he was doing, he had extracted himself from his fiancé, a half-hearted excuse muttered to him, and followed Robert through the doors.

Robert was nowhere to be seen and Aaron instantly felt frustrated. He hadn’t seen him in three years, and he was just turning up now? What even brought him here? He couldn’t let him go without an answer. He spun around, trying to think where he would be gone, and found himself face to face with the man in question, emerging from the bathroom.

‘’Robert.’’

‘’Aaron. It’s been a long time.’’

‘’That’s all you can say?’’ Aaron was well aware that they were in the main reception area, but the struggle to keep his emotions in check was overwhelming.

‘’It’s good to see you, you look well.’’ Robert was facing the same battle with his feelings, so his company politeness was on full display.

‘’What are you even doing here Robert?’’

‘’I was invited. Ellie’s a client, and a mate. How are you here?’’

Before Aaron could reply, he saw Robert’s gaze flicker, and felt Sam’s arm on his shoulder.

‘’Hey, didn’t know where you’d got to.’’ Sam looked between the two men, the tension apparent. ‘’Hi, I’m Sam.’’ He said, extending his hand to Robert, who shook it firmly.

‘’Robert Sugden.’’

‘’Nice to meet you. So you two know each other?’’ Robert glanced quickly at Aaron, whose face revealed nothing. Clearly the name meant nothing to Sam, which indicated he had no idea who Robert was. Robert couldn’t tell if he was relieved or hurt by the realisation.

‘’We grew up in the same village, haven’t seen each other in a while.’’ Robert offered, the easiest explanation to give. ‘’So how do you do know each other?’’ he asked, feigning ignorance as to their closeness.

‘’I’m his fiancé.’’

Robert’s heart dropped. He looked down and saw the ring on Aaron’s finger. Aaron had a fiancé. He was getting married.

‘’Wow, fiancé. Well congratulations.’’ Robert managed to choke out as casually as he could, trying to mask the tightness in his throat and the pounding in his heart. ‘’Bet Chas is delighted.’’

‘’Thank you. Yea, she’s a feisty woman but I think I’ve won her over.’’ Sam feebly joked, Aaron’s refusal to say anything puzzling him, but he shrugged it off. Clearly these two weren’t all that close.

‘’Definitely not an easy task.’’ Robert agreed, refusing to look at Aaron. ‘’Well I’m going to get another drink. I’ll see you back in there.’’ With that, Robert was headed back inside. Sam nodded, then motioned to Aaron that he needed the bathroom. Once again, Aaron was left watching Robert as he walked through double doors, and once again he was following him without a moment’s thought.

Robert was drumming his fingers on the bar, waiting impatiently for his pint so he could go and hide in a corner when he felt, rather than saw Aaron behind him.

‘’You weren’t meant to find out like that.’’

‘’More like I wasn’t meant to find out at all, right?’’

‘’Robert…’’

‘’Nothing to do with me anyway, so where did you pick him up?’’ Robert couldn’t help it, the jealousy was seeping through his voice, and Aaron picked up on it.

‘’The gym. He’s a boxing trainer. And I’m not the only one hiding engagements am I Robert?’’

‘’Excuse me?’’

‘’I heard Vic in the café, rabbiting on to Bob about doing the food for yours and Rebecca’s engagement party. I bet I wasn’t supposed to find that out either.’’

Robert looked genuinely puzzled by Aaron’s admission, but once it finally registered, he scoffed so loudly that another couple turned briefly to look at them from the other side of the bar.

‘’Your detective skills need some work Aaron.’’

‘’I’m sorry?’’

‘’You’re right, Rebecca is engaged, to a guy called Matthew Roberts. Total sap if you ask me, but he makes her happy and Jamie likes him, so who am I to judge?’’

‘’I don’t believe you. I know what I heard.’’

‘’Believe what you like Aaron, I don’t have to try and convince you of anything anymore. Couldn’t do that when we were together, so it’s not likely to change now.’’ Robert was fully prepared to walk off, but he didn’t expect to bump into the bride as he turned around, her arms open and ready to embrace both of them.

‘’Robert, you came after all.’’ Ellie beamed at him as she said it, and she looked so happy that all the tension left him, despite Aaron’s proximity to him.

‘’I said I would didn’t I?’’ Ellie narrowed her eyes, clearly having harboured doubts.

‘’So,’’ Ellie carried on. ‘’Sam just told me that Aaron had bumped into someone from his village. Look at me, bringing people together.’’ She smiled proudly.

‘’Sam is Ellie’s cousin,’’ Aaron explained to Robert, who nodded politely.

‘’So Aaron, you can give me a bit of intel on this one.’’

‘’What, how?’’ Aaron stammered, wondering how much of their conversation she had heard, but she seemed oblivious.

‘’Well has he got greyscale under that suit or something? I mean why else would a man as hot and charming as Robert Sugden not have a fella or a woman in his life?’’

Aaron was speechless. Robert wasn’t lying about Rebecca, and Ellie knew he was bisexual. Robert didn’t bat an eyelid as she said it, and Aaron briefly felt proud of Robert for being so open. But his chest constricted again as he looked at Robert, whose face gave away nothing.

‘’I don’t know, sorry.’’ It was all Aaron could muster up.

‘’Well I managed to persuade Rob to come by telling him he might meet the love of his life here, and I am determined not to be proven wrong Aaron, so if you see someone good, help him out yea?’’ Ellie continued, smiling at Aaron, who grinned half-heartedly back.

‘’And like I said before, it’s unlikely.’’ Robert kept his eyes away from Aaron as he said it, but he couldn’t hide the hurt in his voice, at least not from his ex-husband, who shifted uncomfortably on the spot at his words.

‘’The night is young Robert, and you’re not on the scrap heap just yet.’’ She smirked before heading off to mingle with more guests.

‘’Robert, I’m sorry.’’

‘’Save it Aaron. I don’t need to hear it, and you don’t need to say it. Let’s just keep out of each other’s way.’’ Robert ran his hand through his hair, and Aaron noticed that he was no longer wearing his ring. The realisation stung, but would it hurt more if he were still wearing it? Sam returned, apologising for getting caught up with another one of Jessica’s unsubtle attempts at flirting, and Robert feigned a smile.

‘’He’s all yours. Enjoy your night.’’ Robert said to Sam as he walked away from them, finding a seat at the opposite end of the ballroom, his words stabbing Aaron in the heart as he tried to ignore the double meaning in them and failed miserably. Sam looked curiously at Aaron for an explanation, feeling the tension rolling off him, but he shrugged it off nonchalantly and his fiancé seemed content to let it go.

 

 

As the night went on, Aaron itched to go to over to Robert, but his legs couldn’t seem to bring him over there, and other people were proving a bigger obstacle than he could have imagined. Ellie kept hovering around Robert, trying and failing to pull him onto the dance floor, but Aaron smiled as he watched them interact, Ellie poking Robert repeatedly and hugging him, a gesture he responded to willingly. He laughed a lot in her presence, and Aaron’s heart ached as he tried not to watch them, wishing that he was the one making Robert laugh.

Meanwhile, other guests kept him and Sam busy, congratulating them on their engagement. It had been three months since Sam had popped the question, and people were incessantly badgering them on a wedding date, but the sight of his ex-husband in the corner of his eye meant that his impending wedding was the last thing Aaron wanted to discuss.

‘’What’s the matter?’’ Sam asked, breaking Aaron’s gaze away from Robert.

‘’What? Nothing.’’ Aaron muttered.

‘’It’s him, isn’t it?’’

‘’What about him?’’

‘’You both seemed tense earlier; he’s an ex or something isn’t he?’’ Sam looked so concerned, and Aaron’s heart constricted at just how wrong his fiancé was. Calling Robert an ex meant it was all over, and it wasn't, as the night had already proven.

‘’Or something…’’ Aaron agreed. ‘’No, nothing happened. Just a bit of a shock seeing him here, it’s been a long time. But we’re good, I promise.’’ Aaron rubbed Sam’s arm gently, and the other man leant over and placed a soft kiss on Aaron’s mouth. Aaron had always liked Sam’s kisses, but now all he could think was how different they were to Robert’s; soft and undemanding, they lacked the crackle of tension that always led to something more, that always demanded everything Aaron had to offer. Ellie was coming towards him now, and he plastered his best fake smile on as he gripped the bar dramatically, evading her and Sam’s attempts to get him to dance. Eventually they gave up and went out by themselves, leaving Aaron alone with his thoughts, but as he turned around, Robert was gone.

 

 

Robert had tried to keep his gaze away from Aaron, but seeing his ex-husband in the arms of another man was akin to watching a car crash, something you know you’re not supposed to linger on, but can’t take your eyes off. Ellie had distracted him momentarily, trying to get him to dance before asking if he saw anyone worth pursuing, but he couldn’t tell her the honest answer, and she had gotten bored and walked off. His hands trembled under the table, the itch to hold Aaron threatening to consume him. How did this man still have such an effect on him, four years later? Robert scoffed internally at the ridiculousness of the question. The night was nowhere near long enough for all the answers he had to that. As he watched Aaron kiss his fiancé, he couldn’t handle it anymore. Grabbing his bottle of beer, he headed outside, hoping the fresh air would clear his head and shake out the memories of his ex-husband’s hands all over someone else.

For the third time that night, Aaron found himself trailing after Robert, and he found him outside, sat at one of the garden benches. He hesitated, not knowing if Robert would even give him the time of day, but in the end his feet moved before his brain could question the decision.

‘’Hey.’’

‘’Hi.’’

‘’What are you doing out here?’’

‘’Just taking a breather from the festivities.’’

‘’Same.’’ Aaron smiled softly at him. He looked good, Robert thought to himself, more unguarded, happier. The thought made something heavy settle in the pit of Robert’s stomach, but he tried to cover it.

‘’Robert, I’m sorry. I should have believed you about Rebecca.’’

‘’It’s fine. I’m not known for my honesty am I? I shouldn’t have snapped.’’

‘’It’s none of my business anyway, what you do with her and Jamie.’’

‘’You remembered his name?’’

‘’Of course. How is he?’’

‘’He’s good, yea. Runs rings around us.’’

‘’I’m sure you’re a good dad.’’ Robert smiled softly at Aaron’s attempt to be civil.

‘’So…I see that you’re still not a dancer.’’ He changed the subject, trying to keep things casual.

‘’Oh yea, some things never change, no matter how persuasive people are. I didn’t see you dance either?’’

‘’I haven’t danced in a long time.’’ Robert admitted, and the way his voice faltered told Aaron everything he needed to know about the last time Robert danced.

‘’So you and Ellie seem like you’re good friends?’’ Aaron said quickly, trying to keep on neutral territory.

‘’Yea,’’ Robert agreed. ‘’She’s the closest friend I’ve had in a long time. Probably a better friend than I deserve.’’

‘’Don’t do that.’’

‘’What?’’

‘’Put yourself down, Robert. You deserve to have good people in your life.’’

‘’Usually push them away though, don’t I?’’ Robert averted his gaze as he said it. ‘’Sorry, think the booze is making me spill my guts, ignore me.’’

‘’Never could though, could I?’’ Robert’s eyes shot up at that statement, and he meet Aaron looking straight at him. They could both feel it, the crackle between them. Would it ever go away, or even dim just a little, enough for both of them to handle?

‘’Robert, I….’’ but whatever Aaron was about to say was interrupted by his name being called. Both men turned to see Sam hovering by the door, beckoning his fiancé back into the ballroom. Aaron stood up, about to leave when the sound of Robert’s voice stopped him.

‘’Aaron?’’

‘’Yea?’’

‘’You look happy. He makes you happy, doesn’t he?’’

‘’Yea, he makes me happy.’’ Aaron replied as he smiled over at Sam waiting patiently for him. It was the truth. Sam did make him happy, but a pang of guilt rippled through him as he said it, and he suddenly felt like he was lying. He wasn’t lying though, was he?

‘’Then I’m happy for you, you deserve someone like him.’’ Robert said sincerely as he stood up. ‘’I think it’s time for bed. Goodnight Aaron.’’ He placed his hand on Aaron’s shoulder for the briefest of moments before heading through the double doors that led to the bedrooms, and Aaron tried to ignore the tingles that ran down his spine at his ex-husband’s touch, tingles that remained even when he joined his fiancé back in the ballroom.

 

 

It took Robert at least ten minutes to realise that the knocking noise he was hearing was not a dream, but actual knocking on his bedroom door. He momentarily forgot where he was until he remembered: the wedding, Aaron.

Three A.M. his phone said as he glanced briefly at it before making his way to the door. He was convinced it was a drunken bridesmaid looking for her room, so he was stunned when he opened the door to find Aaron on the other side.

‘’Aaron, what are you doing here?’’

‘’You never said goodbye.’’

‘’I’m sorry?’’

‘’Three years ago.’’ Aaron clarified. ‘’You left and you never said goodbye.’’

‘’Aaron…’’

‘’Did I really mean so little to you?’’ Aaron’s question floored Robert.

‘’Is that what you actually think?’’

‘’You tell me.’’ With those words, Aaron had pushed past Robert and was now standing in his hotel room, piercing through him with eyes that demanded answers.

‘’I couldn’t say goodbye to you Aaron, it was too hard.’’

‘’What, too hard to say to my face that you were finally choosing her over me? Didn’t even have the guts to finally admit it?’’

‘’I told you we’re not together. I never chose her over you Aaron, you know that.’’

‘’We both know that’s not true. I think you sleeping with her in our home proves as much.’’

‘’Aaron, why are you here?’’

‘’You left without a word. I had to find out from Vic that you were gone, and I want to know if anything we had together was real or if it was all a lie.’’

‘’What do you want me to say?’’

‘’Something, anything so I know it wasn’t all in my head. Do you know how hard it’s been waking up in the village every morning for the past three years, knowing that you’re not around, that I won’t see you?’’

‘’Probably as hard as waking up every day for a year after you ended things, knowing I’d see you everywhere and not be able to kiss you or wake up next to you or tell you I love you.’’ Robert replied without missing a beat.

‘’If you loved me so much, then why up and leave like that?’’

‘’I couldn’t face you Aaron. I couldn’t say goodbye to you and have you look at me the way you did that day you came back from Dublin.’’

‘’How did I look at you?’’

‘’Like you didn’t care, whether I was there or not. So yea, maybe everything between us was a lie, but if it was, I wasn’t the one telling it.’’

Aaron was floored. He could remember that day vividly. He had tried to put up a front, but he thought Robert knew him well enough to know it had all been an act.

‘’You were the one who ended things Aaron, and it can’t be all that hard for you in the village, now you have another body waking up next to you.’’ Robert spat out, his jealousy teetering to the edge again.

‘’What, you think just because I have Sam now, I don’t still think about you? At least I waited until our marriage ended before I jumped into bed with someone else.’’ Aaron’s own venom was in full flow now. ‘’And at least when I went to Dublin, I told you before I left.’’

‘’So that’s why you’re here now is it? To point out all the ways you’re a better man than me? I had enough of that when we were together, I don’t have to be reminded of it now. I think you should leave.’’

‘’Not until you tell me why I wasn’t worth even a phone call to let me know you were leaving.’’

‘’Because it would hurt too bloody much to hear your voice. I already watched you walk away from me once before, and I was too much of a coward to watch you do it again. I slept with Rebecca that night because I thought you didn’t want me anymore and I had never felt pain like that before. I lost you because of it and I’m sorry if I wasn’t strong enough to put myself through that again, just so you’d know where I was. So there, are you happy now?’’ Robert collapsed against the wall as his monologue finished, watching Aaron, whose face flickered with various emotions, never settling on one.

‘’You could have stayed.’’ Aaron said eventually, the silence having passed the point of comfortable a long time ago.

‘’How could I? I’d be stuck in a village surrounded by memories of the man I loved, but couldn’t be with, and the only other person who meant that much to me was miles away.’’

‘’Rebecca.’’

‘’My son, Aaron.’’ Robert was growing weary now. ‘’Rebecca will always only be the mother of my child, I don’t care about her and I’m sick of telling you that.’’

‘’Then why did you go after her?’’

‘’I went after Jamie, as Vic pointed out to you.’’ Robert’s admission stunned Aaron.

‘’She told you?’’

‘’Of course she did, like she’d keep that a secret. But I think she summed us up pretty well, don’t you?’’

‘’I don’t understand.’’

‘’Well she said I was the one constantly coming after you and getting rejected, but you only came for me when it was too late. You asked me why you weren’t worth a phone call when I left, but you could have called me too Aaron, there was nothing stopping you. Vic was wrong though. Back then it wasn’t too late. It is now.’’

Aaron couldn’t stop himself. Seeing Robert so open and vulnerable had opened up all the feelings he tried so hard to box away, and he took a tentative step forward towards his ex-husband.

‘’Is it really too late?’’ He asked softly.

‘’Yes.’’ Robert replied, the hardest answer he ever had to give. He could feel Aaron’s warmth against him, and it took everything in him not to pull him into him and tell him to forget the past four years.

‘’Why?’’

‘’You have a fiancé Aaron.’’ The word felt like poison on Robert’s lips, but he continued. ‘’You left him in bed so you could have it out with me. Well you got your answers now and you need to go back to him.’’

‘’Is that what you really want?’’

‘’Yes, and it’s what you need to do.’’ Robert’s resolve was on the edge now, and if Aaron didn’t leave soon, it would break completely.

‘’Maybe, but I don’t think it’s what I want to do, not anymore.’’

‘’You’re not a cheater Aaron and I’m not making you one. That’s my role remember, that’s why you’re the better man. Now go back to him, you won’t hear from me again.’’

Mustering all the strength he could, he pulled away from Aaron’s orbit and opened the bedroom door, averting his gaze as Aaron walked through it. The younger man stopped briefly, but he couldn’t make Robert look at him, so he left the room. Robert didn’t let out a breath until he was slumped against the closed door, his heart pounding and tears welling in his eyes.

 

 

The knock came softly a few moments later, and Robert desperately wanted to ignore it, knowing exactly who would be on the other side of the door. However, he had never been able to willingly ignore Aaron before, and he was damned if he was strong enough to start now. Taking a deep breath and wiping the stray tears from his cheek, he opened the door, finding his ex-husband flushed and breathless on the other side.

‘’You’re wrong Robert. I am a cheater.’’

‘’No Aaron, you’re not.’’

‘’Yes I am. Except, I’m not cheating on my fiancé. I was only ever cheating on my husband.’’

Robert had no chance to react before Aaron had pushed him back into the room, locking the door behind them. Aaron was gripping Robert’s t-shirt, holding on for dear life, and his eyes flicked from Robert’s eyes to his lips, which was all it took for Robert’s wall to come down and spin Aaron around, pushing him against the wall and crushing their lips together.

Everything that Robert had bottled up over the last three years came exploding out of him into the kiss as he worked his tongue into Aaron’s inviting mouth. Aaron’s lips were as demanding and pliant as ever, and Robert couldn’t imagine how he ever went a day without kissing them. His heart began to race even more as he felt Aaron’s fingers caressing his hair, pulling and tugging at all the right moments.

Aaron felt his legs buckle underneath him as the sensation of Robert’s lips against his nearly floored him, the wall behind him his only real support. He pulled his ex-husband closer to him, but they still weren’t close enough. He could feel Robert’s heat and erection vibrating against his body, and his heart was pulsating wildly. He couldn’t stop his hands roaming all over Robert’s body, as if they were trying to memorise all the parts of him again, in case this was ripped from him once more.

Robert pulled off Aaron’s shirt, his lips never leaving Aaron’s mouth as he worked effortlessly, the action second nature to him even now. Aaron repeated the movement, Robert’s t-shirt coming off in one swift movement. Within seconds, they were both completely disrobed, kissing each other naked, still pressed up against the wall.

‘’Rob,’’ Aaron breathed between kisses.

‘’I don’t have anything with me.’’

‘’It’s okay I’m clean. Are….?’’

‘’There hasn’t been anyone else.’’

Robert’s easy admission floored Aaron, causing him to push his ex-husband off him as he searched his eyes looking for a lie, finding nothing.

‘’Not even once?’’

‘’There could never be anyone else.’’

Aaron tried to find words to respond to that statement, but he had nothing. All he could do was pull the other man in and kiss him once more, their bodies pressing against each other tightly without the smallest hint of space between them. Robert broke away from the kiss, holding Aaron’s face in his hands, and the look in his eyes broke Aaron’s heart.

‘’Aaron, are you sure?’’ There was a pleading tone to his question.

Aaron nodded softly and pulled Robert back towards him. After working him open, Robert pushed into him right up against the wall, Aaron’s moans unleashing something in Robert that he had kept buried for years. It was quick and frantic, but as Aaron returned the favour on the bed, it was slow, tender and loving, so slow that Robert was begging for Aaron to just finish him off, needing to feel the pleasure of his ex-husband once more.

 

 

They lay tangled in each other afterwards, their bodies knowing just how to link together as though they had never been apart. Robert was stroking Aaron’s cheek, while Aaron had his hand in Robert’s hair, placing kisses along his jaw.

‘’Aaron.’’

‘’Yea…’’

‘’What are we doing?’’

Aaron propped himself up on his elbows and looked straight at Robert, whose eyes were red with unshed tears.

‘’What do you mean Robert?’’

‘’You just cheated on your fiancé. And he seems like a good guy, he doesn’t deserve this.’' 

‘’No he doesn’t, but I meant it Rob, I was cheating with him, not on him.’’

‘’You can say things like that all you like, but it doesn’t make it better.’’

‘’What do you want me to say?’’

‘’I want you to choose me, and I don’t think you will.’’

‘’I’m here, I came back to you, doesn’t that say something?’’

‘’I know you though Aaron. I know what guilt does to you, and I can’t put you through that again.’’

‘’What are you saying?’’ Aaron was sitting up now, watching Robert’s face change, emotions running rampart over his freckled features.

‘’You won’t want to hurt him, so you’ll pretend this didn’t happen and you’ll go back to him, and if you’re doing it then you need to go now, because I can’t wake up in an empty bed.’’

Aaron’s hesitation told Robert everything he needed to know. Aaron always was the better man, and Robert had to let him be that person.

‘’Robert, I want you. I’ve always wanted you. I’ll end it with him.’’ Aaron placed desperate kisses to Robert’s entire face, but the other man’s refusal to meet his eyes stopped Aaron in his tracks.

‘’But we hurt each other, don’t we? And maybe we need to stop.’’

‘’Do you not want me anymore?’’ Aaron could feel the tears prickling the back of his eyes. He thought Robert felt the same as he did, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe after all these years, Robert really had given up, and this was goodbye.

‘’I’ll always want you Aaron, why do you think I’ve not slept with anyone else? But I could see you earlier. You said you were happy with him and I saw that for myself. I want you to be happy, more than anything. So I think you should go.’’

‘’Robert, please…’’

‘’Goodbye Aaron.’’

Robert walked over to the window and focused on the flickering lights of the hotel garden, not turning around until he heard the door close softly behind him. Only then did he slump to the floor, allowing the tears that had been building up all day to finally flow.

 

 

Robert made it back to his flat in Leeds that evening, exhausted from the previous day’s events. Sending Aaron away had been the hardest thing he had ever done, and as soon as he heard the door click behind him all he had wanted to do was run after him, pull him back into the room and not think about the feelings of others. But he couldn’t do it. Aaron deserved more than him. He had seen Aaron and Sam leave the hotel from a distance that morning, and they looked happy. The lashings of guilt Robert felt for turning Aaron into a cheater would never leave him, but he had done the right thing letting him go.

He had just retrieved a beer from the fridge when he heard a knock on his front door, and the last person he ever expected to see was on the other side.

‘’Aaron?’’

‘’I got your address from Vic.’’ Aaron explained before Robert could even ask.

‘’Why are you here?’’

‘’You were right, yesterday.’’

‘’About what?’’

‘’I was happy. Sam made me happy. But I've been lying to everyone, and I can’t lie anymore.

‘’Lying how?’’

‘’Sam did make me happy, but not happier. One man made me happier than he ever could, and he’s standing right in front of me.’’

‘’Aaron, you don’t….’’

‘’No Robert, I need to say this.’’ Robert gestured for him to come inside, too shocked to actually think it through and refuse. He followed him into the living room and Aaron spoke again.

‘’I have thought about you every day since you left the village. In fact, I thought about you every day since I handed you my ring back, even if I never admitted it.’’ Robert opened his mouth to speak, but Aaron stopped him. ‘’I gave it a chance with Sam because he was completely different to you in every way, and I thought that would help me forget you, but it didn’t. I said yes when he proposed because I thought being married to someone else would get you out of my head, but that didn’t work either. I ended it with him this morning, as soon as we got home.’’

‘’How did he take it? Does he know…?’’

‘’That you’re the reason? No he doesn’t, not really. Though he didn’t seem that surprised, says I’ve been distant for weeks, and he’s not wrong.’’

Robert was rendered speechless by everything Aaron had just told him, and his silence was making the other man uneasy. He began to shuffle awkwardly.

‘’Robert, please say something.’’

‘’I um…I don’t….tell me what to say Aaron.’’

‘’Tell me you think about me, even sometimes, please.’’ Aaron could hear the begging in his voice, but he was past caring.

‘’I think about you every day Aaron. I’ve thought about you everyday since the moment we met. I’ll have you in my head until the day I’m in my grave.’’

'’Tell me you still want me. Tell me you still love me.’’

‘’I do love you Aaron, more than ever. And I’ll always want you, but you left for a reason. It was too hard for you. You left because of….’’

‘’You can have us both Robert.’’ Aaron interjected. ‘’I love you. I’ll love your son. I don’t want easy love. I want painful, messed up, all consuming love. And I want it with you.’’

Robert’s heart fluttered at those words, and he looked at Aaron properly for the first time since he had come to his flat. Aaron was gazing at him like he did on their wedding day, heart and eyes open, and that was all it took for Robert to cross the room, wrap Aaron in his arms and place soft kisses to his lips.

‘’I want that with you too. I love you Aaron Dingle.’’

‘’Dingle-Sugden.’’ Aaron clarified softly, bringing a genuine smile to Robert’s face.

 

 

Later, as they sat on the sofa, their arms wrapped around each other, Robert had to stifle a laugh.

‘’What?’’ Aaron asked, looking at him quizzically.

‘’Guess Ellie was right.’’

‘’About?’’

‘’She said I’d meet the love of my life at her wedding.’’

 

 


End file.
